Month: December 2020

Fifteen years is such a long time and yet feels like it was only a few years ago. I can't say it feels like yesterday because I am a completely different person; we all were different people back then. I was a senior in college and I was in my parents' home in Amsterdam, NY.… Continue reading New Year’s Eve 2005

It started with quitting my job. Focusing on school and writing my blog. There was a contagion spreading, first from China then Italy, We didn’t really listen, spring was coming officially. The winter had been dark, with small patches of light. The first alone holidays and birthdays continued in a steady march. Then would come… Continue reading What 2020 was to me

The girls see a lot of people in a wierd childcare and school bubble. Teachers, friends, bus driver... Who do I see on a semi-now-regular basis? My therapist. That’s it. Thanks corona virus. I was never really that social, especially without Bob, but damn Covid. Let my friends come over. Can my mom visit? Can… Continue reading Single mom, widow mom, who do you see?

There is one big Christmas tradition we have in our house that's uniquely our own. In our apartment Bob would lament that I really only decorated in one room of the house- the living room with the tiny tree. To fix this problem he took the assortment of small stuffed bears I had been given… Continue reading Changing Traditions

One of the big parts of someone dying is the question of what to do with all their stuff. The things that defined their life. The things that can trigger memories no matter how big or small they are. Some, like jewelry, can be passed down to children or grandchildren. Sometimes there is money involved.… Continue reading What we hold on to

I always think back to when Char was Paige's age. The reading of books, the going places. The coloring and play doh. The being outside in the snow, the playing with Orion. I think back and fondly remember, and then wonder why it's not the same anymore. The answer was staring me in the face.… Continue reading When there were two of us