Doldrums

There’s a place in the oceans where boats would get stuck, because there’s no wind to fill the sails. That’s how I feel about February. Today, this very moment, I hate February.

It’s cold.

It’s dark.

It’s fucking cold.

The “new year” excitement has worn off and spring isn’t yet in sight.

It’s when all the snow finally hits after a reasonably “dry” winter. Winter comes in February.

People get excited about Valentine’s Day. Others get upset about Valentine’s Day. I personally don’t care, I also bought too many valentines for the kids’ friends because I forgot about Char’s class being split in two with the hybrid model. C’est la vie.

There are birthdays to celebrate, but this is Covid so I guess we’ll call you later. Have a good dinner.

Deathiversaries are this month, some ongoing and some have been added. None are easy.

Bob’s birthday is also next week, and I see that doesn’t help this very blah feeling.

The rule is “make no major life changes in February,” because of the reasons I’ve already said. It’s cold. It’s dark. We need happiness and crazy ideas seem grand. (That stair slide Facebook is showing you would be so much fun for the kids! NO. PUT THE PHONE DOWN. Or play a game without ads.)

Next week, the day before Bob’s birthday, we’re welcoming a new puppy into our home. I try to tell myself I started this process and idea last year, so it’s not technically a “February” thing, but it just happens to fall then. (Also, keep all negative puppy comments to yourself, please and thank you. I need motivation, not more negativity.) It was opportune that the puppy would be ready to go home around this time, like a present to Bob he never has to house train. You’re welcome baby.

The girls don’t know yet, and it’s becoming extremely hard to keep this secret. Luckily I have just a few more days.

I’ve never had two dogs at once, it should be interesting. At times it will be hard. A lot of it will be fun. A lot of it will be different. And so February ends with a new chapter in the Jinks household.

I feel like the last two years have been like a never ending change of pain and healing. I see how big my kids have gotten, see pictures of them when Bob was here and wondered how we did it. I will look back at them now and wonder how I did it. But that’s the whole point- we don’t know how we do it, we just do. And the addition of another pup will bring benefits. Orion won’t think so at first, but he’ll make his own way too.

I just want to be outside, even just to sit on my back deck. But I can’t find my deck furniture under all the snow. And the driveway is ice where there isn’t driven-over snow.

February sucks. It will end, but for the shortest month of the year it seems to take the longest to pass.

Dogs aren’t allowed in beds but I’m force-mandating couch snuggles. Orion just doesn’t know it yet, he always grumps about having to share the couch he wasn’t even technically allowed on until recently. My first-born baby, how he suffers.